Says the real deal

I don't normally do this but because this picture is so good/funny and Andrew approved of the picture being posted anyway I'm doing this. I don't relish airing out dirty laundry.

It's been going on for four years. Why? I don't know. My guess is that Andrew doesn't handle his expectations not going the way he wants them. It's inconceivable to me that an adult human would act like this towards a spouse. What's been happening is Andrew has been overreacting and as I call it acting childish/immature/spoiled and has a huge chip on his shoulder and anything that goes remotely wrong he overreacts and acts in anger towards it around me. Anything sets him off such as a strawberry or a dog bowl. He gets agitated and irrational at the smallest little things. I've asked him to go see a psychiatrist but he's refused over and over. A person could say go get a caregiver to take a week off of his load. Good luck trying to find one. Yes I would love to find a caregiver to take care of me for an entire week. Sure it would cost that's not the issue. The issue is finding one. He basically makes it well known that it's all about him and how horrible his life is. He doesn't know how to exercise empathy. That is a learned skill to someone that doesn't know how to exercise it. I gave him the option of taking care of me or getting someone to do it before my downhill turn and he chose the option to take care of me and again little did I know that I had to explain to him how to emotionally take care of an ill person. It's not just physical. He's never taken care of anyone in his life before me. One important thing is to not make the ill person feel worse which he does. He pitches a fit in stead of acting matter-of-factly. I let him know that it's not okay and he has promised and promised over and over again that he wouldn't do it. Yet he keeps doing it. It makes me cry and feel horrible. It is not normal to do what he does around an ill person. He is able to control himself. He has exhibited that. Most of the time he opts not to and he whines to me about having these feelings. Yeah whatever dude. I have lots of problems but I don't whine about it. He says I do. He has no clue. I scratch my head because he can pull it together enough to not act like that when other people are in this house while putting on the impression that he is Mr. Wonderful. I know differently. I am the only one that gets the privilege of witnessing his poor behavior. I have to think of the positive side. I had a heck of a time finding one. I found a couple. He takes very good care of me physically unless he does something that hurts me and is not a flake in that regard. He is a flake by continuously saying that he's not going to do things to make me feel bad and continuously goes back on his word. He wonders why I call him a liar. At least he's not beating on me physically. He does carelessly injure me because he only thinks about himself. It has gone on so long that I'm now pretty much feeling no love towards him and that he is just here to take care of what I need that's it. I've tried to find love that was there but have been unsuccessful. He tells me to remind him not to have certain attitudes. That's not my job that's his job. I have enough problems. It is emotional abuse in my book. I have not told anyone else about this in detail but after many broken promises and refusals to go see a psychiatrist or to at least learn how to not emotionally damage someone it's about time. It's like he does it and then feels bad about doing it but keeps doing it. Apparently, he doesn't feel bad enough to stop. I've asked him to not do it nicely, not so nicely and every which way I can find. I understand that it's hard for him to have to take care of me but he promised to do it way back when and I'm not talking about wedding vows. I didn't know I had to mention be kind at all times no matter what. I don't have a choice with doing anything other than putting up with it. If I were an employer and he was my employee I would've fired him a long time ago. He didn't act like this when we got married or when we were dating. He's basically not the man I married or need = no emotional support just poor behavior. I would've never married someone who acts like that. There is something seriously mentally wrong with him because a person doesn't act like that around an ill person. I need an adult who acts with normal adult behavior towards an ill person. What I got was much different. Yeah, people have told him to not be so hard on himself and he's doing such a good job but they don't know the real deal. Heck I didn't know the real deal when I married him. Yesterday, is a prime example. We all know that I am bedridden. I had a catheter change Tuesday and apparently Tuesday night (for the third time) was completely bladder incontinent. This has happened three times now. It started when that nurse did that mistake of continually going in and out the wrong hole when inserting a catheter. I have a new nurse now and she is so much better but I'm getting bladder spasms now. When my bladder spasms, urine goes outside the catheter and leaks out. It's just like I don't have a catheter. So needless to say my bed was wet underneath me all the way down to the extra liners that were on the mattress to protect it. I don't know exactly because Andrew changed it. Instead of exercising bedside manner and at least being neutral at all Andrew freaked out and acted like a spoiled and angry kid again when I'm the one that needed some help in getting changed and cleaned up. I not only had one problem which was sitting in the bed of urine I had a caregiver who is acting unreasonable and even said that he acted very poorly later. Sure. he got me cleaned up but with a horrible attitude. It was such a poor attitude that I felt like I'd rather  sit in my own urine than put up with that. I've never heard of a person act like that around and already ill person in need of help. In my book it's a crime. A while back I said to him "if you do that again put a diaper on". It was so funny when he came in the room with that diaper on that I couldn't resist and a picture had to be taken. I'm not into humiliating people but he did it on his own.