The Caregiver Who Really Doesn't Care.

So Andrew and I have been married for 6 1/2 years. It has been a long and hard trip for me emotionally. Today was yet another example of the hardship. I had to plug my fingers in my ears and say Lalala just to get him to stop talking and go away.

It all started when the glass guy called to tell me that he lost our paperwork and Andrew had to bring the glass pane into the shop. Andrew, of course, makes it into something it does not have to be and in the process makes me feel terrible. He continues to make me feel terrible almost on a daily basis and he wonders why I say "I hate" him. In fact he tells me not to hate him. So, I guess I am just supposed to take all the negative shit he dishes out and suck it up and treat him like a prince--like accepting that he's negative and that's wonderful. That's not the way it works fucker.

There are many reasons why I say I hate him. The main one is by how he makes me feel. He knows he makes me feel worse thus making the MS worse. I asked him this morning if he feels that people like him because he's a nice guy that people gravitate towards. He said no. I think he is narcissistic in that he thinks because HE feels love toward me that I should automatically feel all kinds of love and appreciation for everything that he DOES. It's really a fucked up relationship.

All I get out of him is the basics and nothing more. Someone else could do the basics too. I need MORE.

in case your reading this, Andrew, here is what I need, which I think you already know, but just don't want to do.

A husband who never argues or ever drags out something so long that I can't take it and makes me feel terrible.

I need a nice guy for a husband and not an immature brat, which you are.

A husband who is actually a nice person. He's not a nice person. He'd rather make sure everyone knows how miserable he is--including me. That's fucked up!

Communication with the foundation of the barn guy.
Don needs to be called and asked if he got a chance to see Don's planes for the 2-stall addition and what are we going to get a bid on and will his barn match what we already own?
How much the 4-stall barn quote is with the gravel included
When can he start because of the muddy ground?

I have to still tell Andrew to do this kind of stuff.

Yesterday, I had to tell him to go outside and pay attention to the tree guys. He would rather hide like a kid.

I'm so tired of this. How much more am I supposed to endure of a caregiver who only does the basics and no more.

Arguing with me only makes me worse. How am I supposed to not hate on a person who makes me worse.

Like I said, when I die, the last words out of my mouth will be "congratulations. You've finally killed someone.