Alone

It has been more than a year since I have put a post up here.
Since May of 2010 nothing has changed. Actually it has changed; it has worsened.
I went to the cardiologist since I last posted and got the all clear for the procedure again. September 1, I went through it again. At this point I went far and beyond what I had agreed to when all of this started in March. At this time I was going against my gut feeling and trying to make Andrew happy. He had great expectations that this would actually work. I, on the other hand, had no expectations. I went into this with the thought "if this works great. If it doesn't oh well". Andrew then told me how it was negative to have that thought process. Uh no, that was my way of not setting myself up for disappointment. I was going against my gut feeling so what more did he want.
So now I am bedridden and incontinent and completely reliant on on him for everything.
With that said, I am hit with a new problem. Not only am I being emotionally abused but now it is verbal abuse. Andrew has an anger problem so bad that he gets mad/angry at me, the cat, the dog, strawberries and so on. It is irrational anger and he acts out fits like a 10-year-old boy and not a 46 y/o adult. He does this to me. I’m supposed to not push his buttons. Uh. All I do is ask for help from him. He is very selfish and just recently realized that he is not the only person in the world. I could go on and on. I don’t intend to stay married to an angry man. He got his mom to prescribe antidepressants for him. He’s refusing to seek psychiatric help.
In my state I need a husband and a friend who will deal with this calmly and not one who makes me cry and makes it so easy to hate him for treating me bad. What kind of a person does that?
If only I weren’t so trapped, I’d say I have a life to live so call me when you’ve fixed it. People fix their anger problems all the time He’s no different in that area. He chooses not to fix it. It’s only a matter of time and the correct steps. I can’t take this much more. I need to be away from this anger. I love Andrew not his anger, immaturity or selfishness. I fell in love with his mild manneredness; not this. If he continues this route, my last resort is to call out for help then move elsewhere. I need calmness in my life and not what he’s dishing out.
I thought writing this would help me. It’s not. It just makes me feel alone.